KITTY: “The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There’s too much at stake and life is too short for lies.”
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WARREN: “We don’t love the people we love because they’re perfect. We love the people we love because they are. Even after they’re gone.”
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SCOTTY: “You can’t be faithful to anything until you know why you should.”
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SAUL: “We can’t help who we love.”
HOLLY: “Yeah, but we can help who we are. We can decide to become ourselves.”
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SCOTTY: “[It takes people] a long time to figure out how much they’re worth and how it has nothing to do with money or anything people can point to. [And it can take, let's see, 2 months, 2 weeks. 2 days, 2 hours, 2 minutes] to make them feel wothless.
IRD!
that is why we have got to MAN UP or WOMAN UP, become an individual who is autonomous and self-fulfilled, learn how to be socially-savvy with people so that you live a lifestyle of abundance, and then come from a place where you OFFER VALUE to others instead of being YET ANOTHER victim who throws himself/herself down at the currents of life.
i know that it was not until i was totally happy with my life and myself, and even BEING WITHOUT a woman or WITHOUT the need for validations from people that suddenly women/people started popping out from behind bushes suddenly wanting to be my girlfriend and friend.
this leads to the real MEAT of this article.
one of the biggest thing i have learned about IRD (or “letting your light so shine before men”) after all these years is that you have got to STICK TO THE SCRIPT.
that means NO EXCEPTIONS.
what is this magical “script” you ask??
here go. really simple.
1. Live Your Life AKA Live YOUR Difference
2. Enjoy People’s Company (and not too take life way too seriously)
3. Assume Absolutely Nothing (not “expect nothing”, but assume nothing)
3b. ASSUME ABSOLUTELY FRIGGIN’ NOTHING. =)
i cannot emphasize this enough.
over the years, i have taken enough scrapes and bruises to know that what is written above is absolutely true, with zero percent exceptions.
see, where i come from — and what had people all wanting me for a relationship for a period of about 6 months prior to choosing the people that i really wanted to be in relationships with — was just being TRULY HAPPY being who i am AND TRULY FULFILLED doing my own thing.
it was not until I was TRULY happy living my own life that i started to experience a personally unprecedented level of success.
it is all about enjoying the stars (people’s) company without the SLIGHTEST shred of attachement to outcome.
many individuals (especially guys) can put on the act, but there is still this “thin shelack” of neediness that is coming through.
the absolutely key formula for allowing your real self to shine through, in my experience, is fine-tuning your mindset and personality to be the kind of soul who sub-communicates a lot of qualities that is YOU, and then just BE that person 100% congruently.
doing it this way means that you do not have to put on your “upbeat personality” when you do your first approach. you are already “ON” because you are already “that guy” or “that gal”.
you can LIVE YOUR LIFE and ENJOY PEOPLE’s (especially the opposite gender) COMPANY, without assuming absolutely anything.
ask yourself. (and answer honestly).
“Am I just vying for a relationship because I got lucky this one time and can’t figure out how to repeat the result, and I think that it might be a while until I get into another fabulous relationship (romantic or platonic)?”
if that is the case, you are still coming from a position of total scarcity!
relationships with truly RARE men and women come from a position of abundance, not insecurity. point blank period.
that is why you have just got to live your life AND LIVE YOUR DIFFERENCE, enjoy people’s company, and assume absolutely nothing.
LIFE is just chalked full of opportunities and amazing things to be grateful for. there is just so much to do in so little time, and you have to have a clear-cut standard about who you are willing to share it with.
you have got to be the CEO of your own life, and the guy who hires and fires who you hang out with.
“Just Do You.”
chillax. love:live. celebrate. assume nothing. and be needy for nothing.
it can only bring you much happiness. and a rare presence in your life MOST peeps you know do not have.
it is just a matter of sticking to the script.
thinking small is NOT hard. it is just a habit. a habit with consequences.
same for thinking big.
there is no mountain too great, no sea too wide, no party too crowded, no bank account too fat, that you cannot take ‘em in stride.
this feeling of inferiority comes about for one reason: we judge ourselves and measure ourselves, not against our own “norm” or “par” but against some other individual’s “norm”. when we do this, we always without exception, come out second best.
but because we think, and believe, and assume that we SHOULD measure up to some other person’s “norm”, we feel miserable and second-rate, and conclude that there must be something wrong with us.
inferiority and superiority are reverse sides of the same coin. the cure lies in realizing that the coin itself is spurious.
the TRUTH about YOU is this:
YOU are NOT inferior.
YOU are NOT superior.
YOU are simply YOU.
YOU as a personality and as a soul are not in competition with any other soul simply because there is not another person on the face of the earth like you, or in your particular class.
YOU are an individual. YOU are unique. YOU are NOT like any other person and can never become like any other person. YOU are NOT sposed to be like any other person and no other person is sposed to be like you.
GOD did not create a standard of a person and in someway label that person saying: “this is it”. He made every human being individual and unique just as He made every snowflake or star individual and unique. GOD had never indicated any preference for any one size, shape or color.
STOP MEASURING YOURSELF against “their” standards. YOU are NOT them and can NEVER measure up. neither can they measure up to yours — nor should they.
once you see this simple, rather self-evident truth, accept it and believe it, your inferior and superior feelings will vanish.
then you can now go and live your difference.
no matter how intelligent, attractive, or talented you may be — to the degree you doubt your worthiness, you tend to sabotage your efforts and undermine your relationships.
life is FULL of gifts and opportunities; you will open to receive and enjoy them to the degree that you begin to appreciate your inner worth, and to offer to yourself the same compassion and respect that you would give others.
discovering your worth sets your spirit free.
sms conversaytion between SARAH and i.
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j: by the way, say hi to ASH and OREO for me. and your brothers, too.
s: ASH and OREO dead!
j: ASH and OREO dead? what? let me guess, suicide? haha. what happened? maybe u. i hope you took pictures. maybe if u come my house, cockroaches will die too. kiki.
s: i didn’t kill them. the male hamster killed the female hamster.
j: oh, bad hamster. babo hamster. maybe d girl hamster did not love d boy hamster. how sad. how bad. buy new one? or u dont want any more?
s: Ah! what i said is new hamster! First male hamster killed by me. Y.Y The book fell down to male hamster so he dead. and i bought new one and that one killed female hamster.
j: really bad hamster. i know what happened. the male hamster did not like the female hamster.
s: kk then i throw the hamster, so bad hamster, diba?
j: threw hamster? wha? haha. you should have left it on the street so that cat would find it and play TOM and JERRY.
s: Ah, kkk, what i think was short, kk.
j: that has got to be the funniest and most interesting story i have heard all day, all week.
s: Oh? kk
j: yea. thank you for sharing.
s: welcome, k.
1st principle of prosperity: embrace who you are and stop trying to be someone else.
self-esteem grows, always does, once you stop trying to be who you are not AND embrace who you are.
Filed under: d:e:r
Nothing but an empty page
Breathing in an open space
Captured by your moment’s grace again
There’s so much I left behind
Even more that waits in time
Everything’s so undefined
I’m standing on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear
Here’s my resolution
I’m letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just want to be the best man I can be
Breathe, it’s my resolution
Living life without a plan
Finding solace where I stand
And learning how to love again
And all I want is something real
That I can feel
Here’s my resolution
I’m letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best man I can be
Cause here’s my resolution
I’m letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best man I can be
Breathe, it’s my resolution
My resolution
it was on the plane to Korea when this Nick Lachey song played on my iPod. i had to press repeat after catching myself missing the first few lines. then i played it probably two more times. the lyrics (and of course the melody) captivated and haunted me at the same time.
as i internalized the words of the song, i knew i had to chalk this up as one of the songs to my life soundtrack. it was in May when i knew deep inside that i will be entering a new phase of my journey this June. and i knew it will not be like any journey i have walked in the past. i knew this was going to be the deepest and realest one i will ever encounter. the one that will have the most shifts, the most transformations, the most metamorphosis, the most discipline and commitment.
Nothing but an empty page
Breathing in an open space
i have always been known to go from one level to the next every three months or so. i have been on this path since the age of fourteen and have ever been moreso since 2000 and up. and i have always strived to be and do and have better. again in every quarter.
but i have come to a point in my life, maybe started late last year, when i saw how everyone including myself is ALWAYS working toward something in life – we achieve more in order to be happy, instead of being happy to achieve more.
my young life has been defined by deaths of the closest people to me. and all this happened to me before i hit my late teens. in that period, i really got to realize a lot about life through death. and that has been a passionate force in my life ever since. death is not to be feared; LIFE is to be LIVED instead.
it was a couple years ago when i finally came to a personal conclusion/conviction that LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS ARE what LIFE is all about. and fast forward to now, i am learning all over again not to be attached to anyTHING, but to let loose and loose myself in love and life and relationships.
my journey now involves so much of walking on what is REAL and FREE and SUBSTANTIAL.
and i really feel now more than ever that i am standing on the verge of my life/destiny. i have nothing to prove anymore. to anyone. i am discovering life all over again as if for the first time. and i can take any of many forks in the road. i seriously feel like it is a new day for me, with a blank canvas for me to BE and DO and HAVE what i want to BE and DO and HAVE.
my life is there for the taking; and for the living.
Captured by your moment’s grace again
and then, there is BEAUTY.
beauty speaks to us in so many ways.
the natural wonders of creation. for me personally: stars. ocean. dolphins. sea-creatures. night-fall. rainbow. sunshine, sunrise, sunset. fall. spring. summer. it is practically everywhere. anywhere.
beauty comes to me also in the strength of real men. the grace of captivating women. laughter of kids. conversations. memories. heroic acts of ordinary people. tears of joy and tears of sorrow. unadulterated emotions. passion. freedom. truth. courage. shine. empowerment. bond shared. smiles. life. etc. et al.
it is true, the thing with beauty, it is fleeting. how many times have you wanted to relive a moment with someone you love or even with yourself because of a majestic time? or even a feeling and connection within a relationship?
beauty surrounds us, yet ever to be captured by us.
one of my life values is beauty. i do my utmost best to remember every beautiful moment in my life even if it is the hardest thing to do. it is fleeting. but it leaves you wanting for more.
remember Simone Weil’s quote: “the only two things that pierce the human heart are beauty and affliction.” these are the only places for common ground we find with others. (refer to my old entry on beauty and affliction: http://detourenroute.wordpress.com/2006/10/10/beauty-and-affliction/ )
what this is to me is about: ACCEPTANCE. CHERISHING.
one of the “rules” i lived by earlier in my life is this: “experience everything and everyone as if it is the first and last time you will experience them.” it worked for me before. and i need to live by that again.
There’s so much I left behind
Even more that waits in time
letting go. leaving behind. that has been a huge part of the story of my life. some people will not even begin to imagine the things, ideas, people, stuff i had to let go and give up just to come to the place i am in now — to be the person i am and am becoming.
one of the most simplest but most profound life principle is YOU HAVE TO LET GO BEFORE YOU CAN GET. or put it in another way: IN ORDER TO ENTER THE NEW, YOU GOT TO LET GO OF THE OLD. it is a universal principle. one that i have lived by and will continue to do so.
sometimes, when i think back on my life and EVERYTHING that has happened, it still amazes me what i gave up and let go in order for me to be walking on the journey that i am walking on. the most heartwrenching stuff i had to let go and leave are relationships in my life. it is heartbreaking, because i simply hate good-byes, but it had to be done.
and in this forthcoming chapter in my life, i had to do another “spring cleaning” of every area in my life. i am so alive-serious about my life and future and destiny, that i am leaving nothing to chance.
letting go may be one of the hardest thing to do, but it is what makes you truly realize who you are and what you got deep inside that GOD had deposited inside you. let everything fall, but YOU.
Everything’s so undefined
I’m standing on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear
and, so, those three lines is exactly where i am now. i know exactly what i want and who i am. and yet everything is so undefined. the places, the faces, the paces — all that is undefined. those are the external factors.
the “everything is so undefined” does not bother me a lick. it is about the inner game that changes the outer game of life. the spiritual before the natural.
for me, life is an adventure and a journey. it is also a story i think we have all forgotten. what better way to live life than being in a cosmic adventure and a personal oddysey that connects all of us. together separate.
the vision comes from within, not without.
Living life without a plan
Finding solace where I stand
And learning how to love again
And all I want is something real
That I can feel
ALL I WANT IS SOMETHING REAL.
i cannot say that too passionate and intense enough. that is what i really want: REALness. FREEness. i want others to bump into me and feel something real and feel something free. and it is going to take giving up the false in my life, and the false that others have given me.
i am building my life only what can stand the test of time. everything from ME to the words i say to relationships to desires and etc.
i figured if you are REAL as REAL gets, that is where freedom comes from. and that is the foundation of being a ceLIVErity. being REAL and honoring the desires, make-up, blueprint GOD created you with. not what pop-culture says, what family says, what traditions says, what MTV says, not even what the churches say.
it is being REAL with GOD.
being REAL with YOU.
being REAL with YOUR LIFE.
being REAL with others.
Here’s my resolution
I”M LETTING GO
ALL I NEED TO LEARN IS ALONG THIS ROAD
And I JUST WANT TO BE THE BEST MAN I CAN BE
BREATHE, it’s my resolution
this is where it is at. the crux of the song. the essence of my journey now.
EVERYTHING i need is truly in the journey that i am and will be walking on, as opposed to the books, classes, etc (as those are supplementary). experience and documentation always beat conversation.
for the first time, i feel like i am on the edge of a mountain and i am ready to try my wings out and fly. to discover and rediscover who i really am and what i can really do and what i can really have. it is all in me.
what is it i am after? i am after: BEING THE BEST MAN I CAN BE.
not just being the best human being i can be. but the best MAN i can be. GOD created human in two souls: male and female. and because i was not initiated as man by my own family or the church i grew up in, i had to learn how to be a man by my relationship with GOD. with the writings of John Eldredge. my iRD community. and the journey.
everything lined up this coming months all point to that one statement: BE THE BEST MAN I CAN BE. being a real, rare, natural man.
because after all, what have you got in this world, but YOUrself. if you do not grow and mature, what happens to you. EVERYTHING YOU EXPERIENCE IN YOUR LIFE IS FILTERED BY WHO YOU ARE. there is no escaping that.
you can make more money, get that thing you want to make you feel happy or significant, be with that ultimate person who you think will make your dreams come true, live in another country so you can be and live a more successful life — but no matter where you go or who you are with, you will always end up with YOU. and that is the person who will hold you back or bring you up. it is YOU. always YOU.
it begins and ends with YOU.
YOU are the ONE you have always been waiting for. what are YOU going to do with YOU?
as my buddy Sean said before: “if you can go anywhere in the world and be happy and proud of the company you are with, that is success. and that company you are with is YOURSELF.”
what would life be if you truly can come to a place in your life journey where you truly love and accept yourself, that you are your own best friend and confidant, that anywhere you go, anything you do, is the place to be at and thing to do.
this post seriously needs a part two.
there is this line that Tyler Durden (Fight Club) says that i agree with: “IT’S ONLY AFTER WE’VE LOST EVERYTHING THAT WE’RE FREE TO DO ANYTHING.”
BREATHE. my reSOULution.
here and now.
celebrate life.
“Cause here’s my resolution
I’m letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best man I can be
Breathe, it’s my resolution”
